A Chinese Medicine Perspective on Grief

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), emotions are considered a vital aspect of a person's overall health and well-being. TCM associates specific emotions with certain organ systems and elements. Here is a quick breakdown of these associations:

Wood - Liver and Gallbladder - Anger

Fire - Heart and Small Intestine - Joy

Earth - Spleen and Stomach - Worry or Overthinking

Metal - Lung and Large Intestine - Grief or Sadness

Water - Kidney and Bladder - Fear

Chinese medicine also considers the impact of the environment and seasonal changes on emotions with each season being associated with a specific emotion. We just entered Fall, which is associated with the Metal element and the emotion of grief or sadness.

Grief is a natural and complex emotional response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something significant in a person's life. Grief is not a uniform experience, and its manifestations can vary widely from person to person. It is often described as having stages or phases, such as the well-known Kübler-Ross model, which includes stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, it's important to note that not everyone experiences these stages in the same way or order, and some may not go through all of them.

Chinese medicine encourages the healthy expression of emotions. It's seen as natural for emotions to arise in response to life events. However, suppressing or repressing emotions is believed to be detrimental to one's health. Instead, the goal is to acknowledge, express, and manage emotions in a balanced way.

This is challenging in our society, with grief in particular, because we are rarely allowed a proper mourning period. Oftentimes, we are immediately thrust back into society with the expectation to function normally. There is societal or self-imposed pressure to get over it and move on or you might be labeled as weak. Unfortunately, not having adequate time to process emotions can be harmful to the mind and body, especially if we are feeling gutted by a loss.

Our ability to process grief is associated with the strength of our Metal element, which is why some people are able to process it better than others. The Metal element allows us to create a strong and flexible belief system to help us navigate life's ups and downs with ease. It supports our ability to communicate, express ourselves, and be open to receiving. It also gives us the confidence to set and maintain healthy boundaries.

A strong Metal element will allow us to process grief without becoming trapped in it. A weak Metal element causes feelings of instability and difficulty connecting to the world. When we feel disconnected, we often hold onto things tighter because it is something that we can connect to but it ultimately makes it harder to let go.

Releasing grief, or any emotion, is an essential part of our body and mind’s ability to renew. When we feel threatened that our grief will overwhelm us, or feel unable to express it, we tend to repress our feelings, shielding ourselves and others from them. This may begin to weigh us down causing us to sink into a deep melancholy.

Prolonged or extreme emotions can disrupt the balance of Qi and blood flow in the body, potentially leading to physical and mental health issues. For example, chronic grief may affect the Lung’s function and lead to symptoms such as exhaustion, shortness of breath, frequent colds, a poor sense of self-worth, and more.

So what can we do? Start by acknowledging these tendencies and creating supportive counter-strategies. For instance, if you struggle to be alone because your emotions overwhelm you, try scheduling productive alone time where you craft, journal, move your body, et cetera in ways that help you process the emotions you are feeling. It’s important to give yourself the time and space to self-express.

Practice saying no and communicating your boundaries. I’m sure we have all been in situations where we say yes to something even though everything in our body is screaming no. Honesty is the best way to honor yourself, so figure out your boundaries and communicate them. This is incredibly difficult for some of us and it can take time to feel comfortable with it, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Consider therapy and bodywork. If it feels burdensome to unload on friends and family, instead seek out a professional who is trained to help you process difficult emotions and reframe your mindset. For some, this could be talk therapy or EMDR while others do better with bodywork such as acupuncture, craniosacral, or reiki. Sometimes you need to try multiple modalities to see what works best for you.

Crying is the sound associated with the Lungs, so maybe just a good ol’ cry can help you process. While we are talking about sound, singing nourishes Lung Qi so turn up your favorite song and belt it out!

Grief is a process that typically unfolds over time, and there is no set timeline for how long it should last. Giving yourself time and patience to reflect, process, and accept will help you to heal. It may even open the door to wisdom and transformation when you are ready to step through.